Dear Friends,

Very often on this board violence on our city streets, murder by mothers and fathers is
a commonly discussed issue, but those people are always somewhere out there, no
one you know personally. A few nights ago, my daughter, age 13 became one of
those victims. Not by the hands of a stranger, but her own father, right in her own
bedroom. She was talking on the telephone as teenagers do and when asked to get off
by her father, she said she would in a minute and with that response not being quite
what he wanted to hear, he knocked her out her chair and took her phone and threw it
across the room.

For quite a number of years he hasn’t been a physically well person and I thought it
wouldn’t seem right to divorce someone I didn’t love because they were sick. I thought
for my daughters considerations I should stay married for her sake. I can tell you
today, that was a poor choice. I can say I have no advice for anyone, because in these
situations, each has to find their own way. But I can tell you that domestic violence is
unacceptable to me in any situation.

Recently I learned my daughters grades slipped dramatically. I thought she was just
being lazy. She wasn’t, she and her father had been having verbal altercations. Then
she stopped coming directly home because she was afraid of him. A few days before
this incident she started carrying around her teddy bears and other stuffed animals and
still I didn’t see what was happening.

However, I can say I knew something untoward was coming. I had a dream about a
week before this incident where I saw my husband in the garage and his car was
blowing steam out of the engine and I knew he was really angry. I started to become
fearful after that, but I really didn’t understand what was going to happen.

I am pleased to say, he won’t ever be coming home again. But the trauma a young
woman has suffered will require much care and love from the community in which she
resides. Yes, it does take a village to raise a child. Today thanks to our Petaluma
Police Department our home was guarded so she would feel safe. The school teachers
are willing to help her get back on track and somewhere in there, a mother and
daughter will put their lives in order and live a life free from oppression from someone
else. Fortunately because I know thousands of people here in this community, though
my family doesn’t live here, there are so many I can say thank you to, for keeping tabs
on us and making sure whatever our needs are, we won’t be overlooked or forgotten.

I can count my blessings this day that I have the friends I do, a good community that
cares about everyone here and my strength in adversity. For so many women, this is
not the case. I hope anyone who reads this story, if you are where I was before this, I
hope you will know that sometimes staying together is not the right choice, but only you
can make that assessment and despite what you do, someone will always tell you, you
were wrong.

Domestic Violence is a crime, and it knows no socio economic group. It happens everywhere, all the time to any segment of society. Those who are the offenders are usually repeat offenders, so don't think it will only happen once, because that isn't the case. I know, because 13 years ago I was pushed out of a chair by the same man. The one who said he was sorry and it would never happen again. Though he wouldn't have done it to me again, he chose unwisely to do it to my daughter. You can try to forgive, you won't forget, but the pattern that causes this behavior I am uncertain can be cured. Sometimes violence comes from those you trust the most, live with and from them the damage is the greatest.

Sometimes it doesn't take an earthquake to turn your life upside down and sideways, but, in time, just as one recovers from earthquakes, this lady will one day make a full recovery from this event.

Smiling safely on the edge of the continent....Pat in Petaluma