Hi all, the local paper has a call in/email section where you can say whatever you want anonymously. I sent in the below. I've been skating illegally on these ponds/lakes for the last 3 years so I hope that this does not bring the Feds in with their Black helicopters and I get arrested for skating yet again (in New York I was ticketed for "Loitering"; George Michael had just been arrested for exposing himself in a public restroom, and my brother assumed I had done something like this, so I took my "loitering" to court. I found "loitering" to be an insult to my speed in skating; I am so fast that I normally cannot be seen, but a couple of teenagers were walking on the lake and that brought the State rangers attention, and they must have seen a blur. I put on my wedding suit, which was a bit too tight, sweated so hard I had to have the suit cleaned, plea bargained in front of a judge to have "loitering" changed to "skating", and paid a $40 fine. That was Harriman State Park New York. We did some snow-shoeing there over the holidays. )
(this is all true, except maybe I exxagerate my speed?)

Here is my email to the paper:, with the PO box number changed from something that may offend some. Most of this is also true.

There is a massive fish kill in the larger of the 2 ponds in the Nature area south of Twin Lakes, south of the MKT trail. These fish died on and before (mostly before) New Years Eve, the day when the blackbirds fell out of the sky in Arkansas. The fish include 1000s of small fish and dozens or hundreds of large Carp. They are frozen into the ice and now the ice is covered with snow. The other day there was a flock of sea gulls around making use of the free dinner. It will smell interesting if we get a long-lasting thaw. This is obviously a sign of the "End of Days", and so you will not need your worldly possessions. Therefore, you should cash in and send the cash to me, at P.O. box 555.

Actually, that pond or lake nearly completely dried up for the first time in 3 years before the New Years eve rains and thaw, and had a lid of ice on it earlier. Yes, there is a scientific explanation, but who needs science when you can send your cash to me to fund my research.

Chris