Dear Pat,
I know how hard this is for you to go through, because I, too have gone through this in previous circumstances (long story) that are both like this and unlike this. It is inexcuseable for him and brave for you and your children. I have taught my children and their friends to speak out against anyone who hurts them, physically or verbally. A soccer coach made a remark to my daughter and her friend that was so crass (she was talking about ordering Mudd Pie and he said "What?" and she said "Mudd pie - you know mu double D" and he said "You're getting double D's! I can't wait to see those - you gotta show me!") Another mother - a teacher for heaven's sake - said "oh it's alright it a guy thing. He didn't do anything wrong." My daughter and her friend were mortified. I told them that they never have to take that from anyone - ever. We tend to forgive because we just can't or don't want to deal with the aftermath. Good for you, Pat! We're behind you.
Beth