I just sent the email below to my extended family after one of them said she was planting trees today. Here it is:

Instead of planting trees, we are burning them. First time we have had a fireplace since Hughes Rd. The great draft up the chimney sucks in all kinds of cold air, so the furnace is on also.

The extra CO2 that we are releasing (and not absorbing because of all the cut trees) will be directly responsible for melting the arctic ice cap, which will result in drowning the polar bears.

We feel this is a good thing because polar bears are really scary. The melting of the ice caps will become so obvious that all kinds of funding will be freed up, allowing us to make more money, and buy even more cut wood and have even more fires. This is called "positive feedback", which we all need a little of ("you are as beautiful as you are intelligent" is my favorite). The sea level will back up the Mississippi as far as Memphis, which is about a 6 hour drive, so we can drive there in our giant car, releasing even more CO2, and then sit on lounge chairs having tropical drinks. The lounge chairs will be adjustable for comfort; where you do this is called a "tipping point". I will then stumble down the Memphis beach until I fall down. That position is also called the "tipping point".
Chris