Hi All,

I came up to pay Petra a visit tonight and that full Moon is really bringing out her hidden side. I hid her broom and let the air out of her wheels and strangely enough, it hardly phased her. Needless to say, she didn't take it to kindly.

She's making a doll right now. She's using some of my hair and a bit of my shirt and what looks like some fingernail clippings. I wonder if those are my fingernails. She asks me to save mine so she could use them for a project she has. That look on her face tells me things are not going to be good for me. I wonder what she plans on doing with that big long hat-pin?

She tells me she has been having a hard time sleeping at night and can't understand why. She says she wakes up every morning with a pain in her neck. Between you and me I think the black cat that sleeps on her pillow next to her head at night may have something to do with that.

Petra says she has had a pain in her neck for about a week now. Petra has been a pain in my neck for close to 4 years now and I didn't meet face to face with her until a little more than 2 years ago. All my life I have been looking for a lady just like Petra, unfortunately, I found her. I'm telling you, when this lady gets upset, she makes Murphy Brown look like a rookie news reporter.

If you think she's been on my case of late, I'd hate to tell you what she's been up to with others. All right, All right, I'll tell you. A couple of weeks ago I was driving her around in Santa Rosa and she told me she had a bone to pick with an attorney up there over some ill sent e-mail. I told her, why not go for it. Of course she did. I let her out of the car and about a half-hour later she rounded the corner with the biggest grin on her face that stretched from ear to ear. She has made going up one side and down the other a piece of art, and she loves it. Victory should have been her first name. She never gives up, in or any other way, believe me, she's tough.

She keeps telling me more earthquakes are on the way. I've learned, just say, "uh huh" and let it go. I sometimes wonder if she's not the one causing the earthquakes. She found a crack in her wall not long ago and said I was walking too hard on the slab floor. What can I say?

I'm telling you, no one tells her earthquake prediction isn't coming in her lifetime. I know I tried. Unfortunately, one day she's going to meet a seismologist and I'm seriously worried about what might happen to him, let alone the rest of the world. When she's done with him, he's going to think he's been hit with a super mega quake. Never mind the tsunami.

Petra, this roast is on you….Hope you know its all in good fun….Your obedient slave….Don